REGRET: You're Stuck, Longing for a Re-Do
SYMPTOMS
You feel full of regret for not being perfect. You can't stop thinking about every mistake you made, every criticism you heard, and what you needed to do to fix it, but didn't.
You believe that if only you had done it differently, you'd still be together.
Why it feels so hard
Regret gives us the illusion of control.
Thinking the breakup happened because of a series of your missteps is a flawed assumption for a couple of reasons:
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It assumes that you had a choice about some of your unconscious behavior.
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There was another person with their own origin story in the relationship, and you cannot assume total responsibility for their part in why things went south.
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Dissociating by being preoccupied with the past bypasses the more authentic feelings about the loss, meaning they stay unacknowledged and unprocessed, and keeps you emotionally attached to your ex.
What this leads to
Erosion of your self-worth.
Exhaustion from your struggle to present as being perfect.
Delusion that it's your responsibility to control an outcome.
Inability to move on, trapped in a cycle of self-recrimination and self-blame.
What Helps
Healing doesn’t come from becoming the perfect version of who you wish you’d been.
It comes from understanding yourself with honesty, compassion, and enough distance to see the relationship more clearly.
Start here if you can't escape living in regret
Day 3 of our 30-day guide is titled Self-Love. The concept is to shift the focus from living in the past or any other dissociated state to you in the present.
You're encouraged to begin healing by committing to a daily practice and gaining new insight each day through reading, reflecting, and writing. You can't reason your way out of self-hatred, but you can act your way into feeling better about yourself by practicing self-care using our lists of suggestions that cover the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your being.
