SHAME: This is affecting how you see yourself

SYMPTOMS

You're starting to hate yourself. You KNOW you'll never have a relationship; your confidence has hit an all-time low. This doesn't feel like you, not the way you used to be. And no matter what anyone says to convince you otherwise, you feel pretty empty and worthless.

What's Going on

The breakup has turned into a personal failure. You became over-identified with the relationship, and now that it's over, you feel destabilized. You've lost your footing and are at a loss as to how to get it back.

What this leads to

Isolation. Your sense of self has been weakened to the point that the thought or mention of the breakup sends you into a shame spiral that becomes increasingly difficult to pull yourself out of. You're overthinking how you're being seen.

What helps

Accepting that the only way out of this is to walk through it, but you don't have to do it alone.

Start here if you feel desperate to escape feelings of shame and self-hatred

Humans rely on each other; we're tribal by nature. Having lost your closest relationship, you're probably craving kinship right now. Day 2 of our 30-day guide is titled "First Responders," a nod to the few people closest to you who you can truly rely on. Being authentically seen and heard by them reflects your new sense of self back to you, propping you up with the courage and strength you need to walk through this process.

OR

It's not uncommon to want a quick fix for feeling so despondent. Day 6 of our 30-day guide to getting over your breakup is titled The Replacements, which describes the urge to find a new fixation to get past your pain. Like all instant gratification, a "replacement" offers some short-term relief, but over the long haul, it leaves you feeling empty and worse off.